Love is blind; Marriage is not.

Is love blind?

Yes, but MARRIAGE is not.

 The two often get mixed in together in a way where it seems love is necessary for marriage and if there is love, there must also be a marriage.

Neither are true.

Marriage is a business arrangement at the end of the day.

Love has no part in it.

It’s great if there is love in the marriage but it’s not a necessity.

At the same time, you can have love but there never be a marriage.

You can love someone whole heartedly because I believe LOVE, the verb, IS blind.

In more ways that one.

But you can love someone with every fiber of your being and know you cannot marry them. For whatever reason.

That it would not be a wise business decision.

That’s what I saw on Love is Blind season 8, The Weddings, episode.

The LOVE was blind but the business of marriage was not.

Smart women.

^I’ve seen Love is Blind Season 8 weddings have been trending today and it gave me inspiration for this blog.

Oh Love is Blind… I love it so much, I even wrote in my vows that I'd continue to by my husbands reality tv addict partner for life.

He also loves it as much as me and he has NEVER been into ANY reality shows. He thinks they are all boring.

Well, I proved him wrong when I put on Love is Blind one day and he stopped cooking to watch. Ha. He was hooked.

I've even gotten him interested in Sister Wives. That one is still my show but he knows the backstory and the people and will comment when it's on.^

But that's beside the point.

The point of this blog is the current climate of the world, especially the United States and women standing up for what they believe in.

(I am posting this before watching the reunion.)

On the wedding episode, we watched three absolute QUEENS understand, recognize and acknowledge their own worth, especially in relationships.

We watched three women walk away from men for very important and valid reasons.

• One was for different fundamental values, core beliefs and the biggest of all RELIGION.

• Another walked away because the man could not express how he felt and left her wondering if he was fully committed to her until the very last second. Even standing at the alter, he either couldn’t communicate it or didn’t feel it. Both are more than valid reasons to say no.

I was ROOTING for Monica and Joey too.

But too little too late for ya bud.

• And the last was for I personally believe a whole slew of things, but at the end of the day, her reason was incredibly valid. Her saying no based on her reasons, make me so proud. She was empowered enough to know her worth and know she needed to be treated better than that.

When Sara said "I can't wait around to see if the person reaches their potential."

I about fell off the couch! Exactly that.

It is not our jobs as women, or even fellow humans, to educate these men on fundamental values and issues.

It is not our job to try to pull them out of their comfort zone to express how they feel.

It is not our job to ask our future spouse if they are withholding information about money received for US.

We SHOULD be asking who we are about to marry their fundamental values.

Their core beliefs on equality.

Human Rights.

For women, for children, for the LGBTQ+ community, for POC.

For the poor, the homeless, the hungry.

Do they value a billionaire over someone who makes $15 an hour? (or $7.25, since that is STILL the national minimum wage. What an absolute embarrassment.)

Do they talk down to or belittle anyone who is struggling with mental health, sexual identity, gender identity?

Do they share the same religious values as you?

This one is HUGE to me.

I could never marry someone who goes to church.

It would never work on the most basic level.

I applaud Sara for trying.

For going, but the extra work she put into finding out what the churches beliefs are, is what BEN should have been doing if he is going to say that he supports these rights but goes to a church where they actively teach AGAINST those beliefs.

The absolute disconnect.

Imagine if she had said yes.

Imagine they had children.

How would that work?

One parent goes to church every Sunday while the other doesn't support their beliefs.

Which parent do the kids go with?

Do they go with their dad and end up indoctrinated and believing there are people who are less than due to their sexuality, their tax bracket, the color of their skin, etc.?

That would be an every week conversation.

I personally could not imagine how exhausting that would be.

Sara did the right thing in saying no!

I was in a marriage for 14.5 years where we saw things VERY differently.

Fundamental things.

From day one I should have known it would never work.

The differences weren't as apparent as with Ben and Sara, mostly because I didn't think or know to ask. I was 20 years old. So young. So naive. So love struck.

Neither of us were religious so I knew that basic thing wouldn't be a problem if we had kids.

We were mostly aligned on political things that we discussed at that time.

 But there were things we didn’t agree on from day one. Things that should have made me reconsider the future business arrangement I entered into.

We voted the same, proudly, in 2012.

I'll never forget how excited we were when we were filling out our mail in ballots (since he was military) and then when the results came in we were elated.

Fast forward to 2016, with our not even 3 month old baby girl.

Voting was VASTLY different.

We did not agree but we settled on a neutral party.

From that moment on, politics and fundamental values and core beliefs were at the fore front of our conversations.

I have cried an infinite amount of tears while fighting with him over the fact that we are raising GIRLS, future WOMEN, together and we do not agree on some of the most basic things.

2020 was the hardest for us.

Everything going on in the world; from the Pandemic (which we agreed on in the beginning then his views changed) to the wrongful deaths at the hands of the police brutality in the Black community. We started off on different pages and ended on different pages with that one though.

I will NEVER change my view point on this.

To the political minefield that was the 2020 election, where we voted VERY differently and I again wept at the thought of me raising children with this person.

I spent countless evenings trying to explain things he didn't understand to the best of my ability but at the end of the day, it's his responsibility, it is EVERYONES responsibility to properly educate themselves.

The internet is large and fast and there is actually credible information on it if you take the time to find the correct, sourced information.

It is not our job to teach you things about other communities.

If you are curious, ask THEM.

That is what her future would have been.

It was and still is EXHAUSTING to NEED to have some sort of copasetic relationship with this person who you feel like you are walking on eggshells around and need to monitor what you say so you don't set off a response from them that will set of your fight or flight.

Now on to Virginia.

First, that stunning human being BETTER be offered a gig to model wedding dresses because I have NEVER had my breath taken away from seeing ANYONE in a wedding dress like I did when she put hers on.

Stunning!

Not only is her physical beauty astounding and mesmerizing, but her inner self as well.

She is an incredibly accomplished, successful and steady in her life and with her beliefs, woman.

She has financial goals she is ready to tackle.

She has grown up moves to make and she doesn't need a little boy tagging along.

She 100% would have had to shrink herself into a box to fit into his world.

He needed a meek, mild mannered, pregnant, bare foot in the kitchen, homemaker kind of wife.

There is nothing wrong with that, but that was not her!

She is far too independent and successful to fit into that for him.

She would have had to squeeze herself into a life that I do believe would have left her unfulfilled.

She'd never be allowed to speak about her core values with her husband because he refuses to discuss it in detail.

How would raising their children go?

She'd probably end up feeling like she isn't "allowed" to have a voice and raise her children to believe in the power of people.

To truly love thy neighbor.

She wouldn't be able to teach her children her true beliefs without her husband questioning, not agreeing or belittling her.

Or even worse, twisting her own faith against her to fit into his narrative.

Look at how he handled Brittany being so vulnerable and raw about her sexual history and past relationships.

That was shameful.

Virginia saw her future and how much she would have to lose her own self.

Break herself down into bite size digestible pieces for him.

No Queen, stay whole and make them CHOKE!

Moving on to our final Queen of the night.

Monica.

Oh Monica.

I was really rooting for her and Joey.

They were the first to get engaged!

They both seemed so genuine.

But I'm so proud of this woman because she knew it wouldn't work with him not being able to express his feelings.

Her love language and his love language were too opposite.

She didn't have time to wait around and hope he'd reach the point of affection and being able to express feelings to the degree she needed of him.

Just like Sara, she knew better than to wait around and hope they'd reach their potential.

Because then what?

If they don't, divorce time?

I've been there, it's no fun.

Also being told "welp, congratulations now you are another statistic" at your divorce hearing is HUMBLING.

Those women tried up until the last second to see even a glimpse of change, a glimpse at a happy, healthy and bright future.

They did not see one and they were brave enough to walk away.

BRAVO!

I applaud every single one of them and hope they each find their right partners.

Since having my children, but even more so, since I have been divorced I have made it a point to let my children know they do not HAVE to get married.

If they decide to, what that persons gender identity or sexuality are, makes no difference, as long as they are aligned on fundamentals, they have a mutual love and respect for one another and they feel they will be able to grow and flourish in the marriage.

They do not HAVE to have children.

If they do want children, how they decide to start a family is perfectly acceptable and valid.

I refuse to make them feel like they need to fit into a box to please others.

Go against what society is telling you to do and find your own path!

Whatever it is!

I want to encourage not only my incredible children to find their own path, but also anyone reading.

If there is anyone reading.

Do not every feel like you need to fit into a box.

Being "weird" or not typical, finding your own way is beautiful and valid.

Women in your 20's, do not settle!!

Do not listen to a soul who says a thing about your biological clock.

You wait.

You hold out for the exact right person! It will be worth it!

Women in your 30's, DO NOT SETTLE!

DO NOT LISTEN TO THOSE THAT MENTION YOUR BIOLOGICAL CLOCK.

Find your truest partner.

It is 2025, there are a plethora of options available on how to start your family on you own timeline!

My first baby wasn't born until I was almost 31.

My second, I was 32.

I'm 39 and only just now truly ready to say goodbye to having anymore biological children but ONLY because my uterus tried to kill me so I'm ready for it to be removed from my body please and thank you.

You have time!

Do not RUSH!

Go at your own pace.

I can't speak specifically to those in their 40's and up because I'm not there yet.

But same sentiment.

Know your worth, never settle!

We are empowered and we have had a taste of what it's like to have control over our own autonomy.

We will NOT go back.

We WILL fight.

We WILL resist.

We will RIOT.

Now is the time to use our collective voices and make sure we are not being pushed back into the corner!

Back into obscurity.

Back to being property to our husbands.

Not owning a bank account.

Not being able to vote.

Having no autonomy over our bodies.

Not being able to control if and when we have children.

Not having a voice whatsoever.

We will NOT stay silent.

Take note from the icons of Season 8's Love Is Blind and know your worth!

Fight to not go backwards, only forward.

We are valid.

We are human.

We are allowed and should be encouraged and empowered to take up space in this world!

Smash the Patriarchy.

&

Eat the Rich.

-The Messy Hippie🌈✌🏻