The beginning of Forever & Always.

“Ain't it funny how love hits you when you least expect it to?”

Just one look into your eyes and I knew,

I was gonna spend my life with you.

I promise I'm yours,

Always and forever.”

Some days I pull out my computer and start typing where the words just connect from my brain to my fingers in a way that looks effortless. Seamless. Natural.

Then there are days like today.

Where I have 3 blogs started but for some reason the words just aren't coming to me.

It's sort of a writer’s block but more of a "I have SO many ideas and thoughts I don't know where to begin" so I end up overwhelmed and close my laptop to focus on something else.

Or I listen to music.

Right now, I'm having one of those moments where I have the idea of what I want to write about but for some reason the words just aren't coming to me as naturally.

That is where music really comes in to help.

I put my Spotify favorites list and pick a song that I feel resonates with my mood.

I blast it with my eyes closed, singing at the top of my lungs.

If it still doesn't feel right.

I move on to another song.

Until I find the right one.

Today that song is "Forever and Always" by Ryan Mack.

He's an incredible artist with music that is very relatable.

I highly recommend checking out him out!

Back to the point;

This is a song I listen to when I'm feeling all Lovey Dovey towards Shermbot.

Today I'm feeling that.

It was a great day.

First day we’ve have the girls back home since my medical crisis.

We don't really realize TRULY how much we missed them until they are here again.

Our home just feels complete.

It's noisy again.

Everyone is so happy to be back together, we end up running into each other in the halls trying to get to another member of the family to tell them what we need to say.

Usually I'm running in one direction trying to tell Tiny Hippie something while Hippie Princess is running the opposite direction to show Shermbot something cool on her game while Tiny Hippie is trying to find Hippie Princess to ask her something and Shermbot is trying to find me to tell me something.

It's the perfect balance of chaos, love, excitement, ADHD and whole lot of Golden Retriever energy.

I love it.

The buzzing of my household when my girls are here is something I tried to run away from for years.

My overstimulated, unmedicated, neurodivergent brain just couldn't process all that noise and chaos because there was already so much chaos in my brain to begin with.

Now, that I'm in a healthy, happy marriage, I'm actively working towards my life goals, I'm properly medicated and add in a bit of my kiddos being older and more independent, I now live for these evenings.

I feel pure elation when I'm able to pack lunches, backpacks, do their laundry, pick out clothes, help with baths and showers, then spend quality time brushing their hair as they tell me about their game or video or about their day and friends.

I have been hearing a lot of "I love you so much mom. I'm glad you are my mom. You're a nice mom. Shermbot is the silliest step-dad! I'm glad you chose him." lately.

I'm a big words of affirmation girl so those words coming from my tiny humans mouths mean EVERYTHING to me.

It shows me I'm on the right path.

The right track.

I'm actively parenting and doing a good job at it.

For so many years, I questioned why I even had kids.

Often my answer when asked "why did you have kids" was "because society told me I had to."

Ouch.

But that is how checked out I was from my life.

From parenting.

Now I'm fully present.

I'm here, showing up and actively living IN my life WITH my children and husband.

I'm no longer an outsider just looking in.

I'm no longer just a passenger along for the ride of my own life.

I am now in control of my life.

My path.

My career.

My choices.

My decisions.

My parenting.

And my marriage.

I feel so empowered.

So strong, motivated and eager.

It's like I woke up from a fever dream with this incredibly beautiful and full life that I had been sleeping on for years!

Good morning Messy Hippie;

Welcome to your life.

You are 39 now, but guess what, I really think your life is just about to truly begin.

I am on the cusp of greatness, I can feel it in my bones.

I am like a race horse who has been held back in the stable for far too long.

I'm ready to bust down that gate to start sprinting full speed towards my future and goals with my family by my side.

Today we got the girls notebooks for them to start writing down all of their ideas they have for our big family project;

Stay tuned! This one will take a while but the ideas that are flowing from those two, are gonna be so worth the wait! I'm so excited for everything our family has in store and planned for the future.

Moving on;

My inspiration for this particular blog was my husband.

My Shermie.

My Shermbot...

My forever and always.

We've only been together for 9 months total.

Our first date, after having chatted through messages and texts for a week, was on May 27, 2024.

It took some prodding from me, with the help of my baby daddy, who was right next to me the entire time, coaching me on what to say, how to not scare him off, and how to get him to ask me on a date!

I was leaving beginning of June for 6 weeks MINIMUM to go to North Carolina.

But I was planning on being there until the end of August honestly.

So I was on a time crunch!

Although my original plan for a summer in NC was a lot of “Hot Girl Summer” shenanigans…

If we were going to actually meet in person (we met on a dating app, more to this story some other time) to feel out how our connection was, I needed it to happen ASAP.

Finally after I just straight up put it out there that I was interested in a date (I will be posting the actual coversation in a moment) he asked me to go to the zoo.... SWOON.

Coversation about date:

"This is gonna keep bugging me and I know my ex is going to be giving me so much crap about this but whatever and I may come off a little cray and that's fair. Just know I'm aware of all of that and I'm still proceeding.

Why aren't you trying to set up something to meet me in person? I gave you a date of when I'll be leaving for 6 weeks and said I'd like to meet up before but then you haven't reciprocated."

Yeah... I put it all out there.

He was worth it and I knew it.

I fell in love with this man before I even met him in person. The date was something I needed to solidify that. To make sure I wasn't crazy and this connection was real... Oh boy was it!

But honestly, who doesn't love a woman who can just put it all on the table and make it known what she wants?!

I bet he fell in love with me right then and there! Haha. Shermie?

So here was his response:

"Honestly, I was enjoying talking, I spaced! Please don't think anything other than I'm dumb."

And proceeded to let me know when he'd be free.

Followed by:

"I actually think it's really attractive that you asked that!

I absolutely want to meet you in person."

Told you... He fell in love. I knew it.

::Brushes off shoulders::

I responded with a cute quippy:

"This response WILL be critiqued tomorrow by my ex and I just so you know."

To which he responded:

"Tis fair"

Quickly followed up by

"You're flustered! Haha."

on my end and

"A little" from him.

Swoon. Shermie, look! I went back and found when the flustered moment happened!

We talk about the fact that I called him out on being flustered early on and it's a running joke now.

The next morning convo went down like this:

Him- "Hi! Any update on my case review?"

Me- "Discussing at the moment!! Scary good timing!"

Me- "I'm trying to talk him into bailing on this one chick for Monday. He's considering it."

The rest of the conversation trailed off while we waited for my ex to figure out his own plans so I could make one with Sherm.

We landed on that Monday (it was Memorial Day I believe, or whatever one is in May).

He planned a date to a free zoo that is a 1 hour drive for both of us since he lived 2 hours north of me.

I insisted on finding one halfway so it was fair. Luckily, there is a phenomenal free zoo that also has the best Christmas lights during the winter, only an hour away! We went back with our girls this winter to see the lights and donated 10 jars of peanut butter to the food pantry. I love helping my community in anyway I’m able and a variety of 3 different types of peanut butter in multiple quantities in my opinion, is a great start.

(I did research before hand because I’m ridiculous and cannot just be a normal human who goes through their pantry and grabs whatever canned food your family doesn’t really love to donate… No. I had to make sure what I brought was something they actually NEEDED. I saw Peanut Butter… Excellent and delicious source of protein for all. Especially picky eaters. I highly recommend checking out your local food pantry needs if you are in a position to donate to make sure what you are offering is going to be appreciated and a welcome change. Even just one thing from the list of low supply items would make a world of difference.)

We met up around noon that day.

First thing out of his mouth as I got out of my van?

"The speed limit is 15."

To which I smiled, probably rolled my eyes and thought:

“Wow, that was bold for a first meeting...”

Then stuck out my hand to shake his after my ex had just told me to not shake hands! HUG! It's a date not an interview!

Whoops.

Sherm's response to my hand being presented to him?

"Oh. Ok. So we are doing this?"

Yup! Hi.

We shook hands then started on our merry way to walk around the zoo and chat for our first date.

The date didn't end for another 11 hours....

Yes, you read that right. Our first date was 11 hours long... at a zoo, then a diner, then a park bench by a lake.

The only reason we finally called it a night at 11pm was because we each had an hour drive home and he had to work the next day. I could have sat on that park bench just talking to him until the sun came up.

At one point during dinner at a random diner we found as we were just walking around getting to know each other, my ex had text me asking if I was alive!

OH YEAH! I hadn't spoken to him since I left his house HOURS ago!

Again, whoops.

I told him yes I am alive, I was sorry for not checking in sooner and that I was having a phenomenal time.

His response was:

"Good! You deserve it!"

In that moment I knew the man across from me was going to be my husband and that my ex and I were finally in a place where this man could fit into our little weird, quirky, "messy" family.

It was a strange sort of approval I didn't realize I needed, but I'm thankful I received.

Preesh Baby Daddy! He-he.

I was told later that on the drive home from the date Sherm thought to himself

"That's the woman I'm going to marry. It's her. I'm marrying HER."

He never really had a desire to get married or have kids even.

It just wasn't something he felt super driven to necessarily.

It wasn’t something that called to him.

He was content with his life…

Until he met me.

I turned his world upside down, threw 2 really incredible kids into his orbit, a supportive baby daddy and "made" him uproot his life to move to the tiny, middle of no where town in the Midwest where my kids are within a matter of months.

I'd like to think I was worth it... especially since he locked me down after only 5 months!

So our date was incredible, we were able to spend one weekend together before I left for NC where I showed him 2 notes I had in Notes app on my phone...

One that I wrote on May 30, 2024 and told him I needed to get it out before I exploded... the thing that was written was

“I LOVE YOU”.

The second was written on May 29, 2024, ironically before the I love you... it was "weird brain thoughts" and it said:

"Let's go get married"

I showed them to him that weekend, after I had only met him in person TWICE! But the words that flew from his mouth made me realize he was the one and this is the right path.

Without a second’s hesitation he uttered

"Omg. I LOVE YOU TOO!"

and

"YES! LETS GET MARRIED!"

All I needed to hear before heading to NC to being our long-distance relationship... More on the rest of that later.

After I returned back to my Baby Daddy’s from that incredible weekend where we literally did not leave his room for an entire day. We didn’t turn on the tv, we had no music, we did nothing but sit on his bed and talk and laugh and tell stories and jokes and just get to know each other. There was no pre conceived notion of being intimate either.

Everything just flowed so naturally between us.

Truly I was just existing with my best friend.

That has not changed even once since that moment.

He is my best friend.

Period. Point blank.

He is the person I can talk to about ANYTHING, he knows it ALL. He knows all the deep dark secrets, even the ones that aren’t mine. He’s the ONLY one who knows the WHOLE story of the relationship I was in just before him and all that came with that, all the trauma I have had to process through during our 9 months so far. I’ve put in so much work with him by my side of processing and eventually just accepting this is the information I have now in my brain and it’s not going anywhere. So I needed to work through it, know my kids are safe. I’m safe and then tuck it away in a very very tiny box in the far back of my brain. I’m still not there yet, it’s still pretty prominent in my brain but to be fair, it’s not even been a year since that all ended so I’m still a working progress but the amount of work I’ve done on me so far in these past 9 months are unreal. I’m so proud of where I am today.

To be fortunate enough to have a love like this, to be loved by this man the way I am, in the ways I NEED to be loved, it’s something I never thought I would be worthy of until him.

I’m going to end this one here with; Sherm the Worm, you are my soupsnake.

You are my best friend.

You are my truest partner in everything I do in life.

Thank you for loving me, loving my girls, accepting us, our weird brains and all the messiness that comes with us.

Thank you for being the man and person you are at your core but also for being open to change and actually MAKING the changes within yourself to be the best version of you possible.

The amount of growth the two of us have had over the past 9 months is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever experienced.

Forever growing together, not apart, in love and life.

Growing together in our future, investing in one another. Recognizing our own strengths and weaknesses to balance one another.

It’s the perfect dance and I would not trade it for anything in the world.

Our love story is unique, weird, special and OURS.

It also happens to my favorite along with you.

To my readers/listeners, I apologize for the sappy love letter to my husband in this one, but it helps put things into perspective when I’m speaking about my life and where I am now.

There will be more to come on our love story and how it went from that first date and weekend to almost 2 months long distance, hiding him on facetime from my nosey kiddos because we weren’t ready to share with them yet and everything that has transpired since then.

I will also be posting photos, screenshots and anything else I feel is relevant and possibly interesting behind a paywall on my website eventually. Stay tuned for the fun bonuses to come.

Thank you so much for reading or listening and just being here.

I appreciate each and every one of you who takes the time to read my words.

You are beautiful.

You are loved.

You are valuable.

Until next time my beautiful friends,

-The Messy Hippie 🌈✌🏻